Two Unrelated Stories. One Terrible Reality.

America is dead, and there are two stories out now that pretty much prove that we haven’t realized it yet. The first comes to us from Politico, and it bodes ill for pretty much everyone.

The selfie-loving, emoji-using, “Broad City”-watching millennial generation is now the largest living age cohort in the country, according to new 2015 figures from the U.S. Census Bureau analyzed by Pew Research.

The roughly 75.4 million millennials, defined as those ages18 to 35 in 2015, have dethroned the 74.9 million baby boomers, those ages 51 to 69 in 2015, who were previously the nation’s largest generation.

Millennials are terrible. I have apologized for them over at RedState before, and I pretty much say it out loud to older generations whenever I’m out. A group of hipsters walk by your store front? I walk over and shake your hand. A bunch of college students protesting microaggressions on your campus? I give you a hug. Kids in trilbies sitting in your coffee shop, with Macbooks as far as the eye can see? I bring you holy water.

They are awful and they should be stopped. But we don’t do anything, because we’re listening to really bad science on the subject of spanking kids.

The second story that at first appears unrelated concerns Disney and one of their all-time classics:

Emily Blunt is in talks to star in Disney’s sequel to “Mary Poppins” with Rob Marshall set to direct.

John DeLuca and Marc Platt will serve as producers on the pic. Sources say Blunt has always been the favorite since all four worked together on “Into the Woods.” With Disney looking to get the film into production soon, the studio recently met with the actress to discuss the idea of playing the magical nanny.

The deal is not yet set in stone due to scheduling. News recently broke that Blunt is expecting her second child, and that may play into her decision.

Insiders confirm the new film will take place in Depression-era London 20 years after the first film and will take story lines from P.L. Travers’ children books focusing on Poppins’ continued adventures with the Banks family.

Unrelated? I don’t think so. Millennials, who can’t be bothered to read a book or watch a classic every now and then have absolutely no clue what makes Mary Poppins so goddamn magical. If there aren’t special effects that seem lifelike, they aren’t interested.

And that’s terrible, because it means Disney is going to hire Emily Blunt – Emily goddamn Blunt – to star in the movie. And I swear to you if she plays Poppins herself, I will fling myself from the highest heights.

Fucking millennials, man. Fuck.

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